Sunday - Sleepless night

Have you ever had a sleepless night? I had one recently... although typically I don't have these. I was reminded of the old claim that reading one's copy of the Bible is the fastest way to go to sleep if you've "tried everything else". Not that I had tried everything else, mind you - but I had tried hot tea, and a couple of other things.

I think it interesting that sleep-deprived friends and family members always seem to think that they are the first ones who discovered that "little-known fact" about the benefit of reading the scripture. Actually, the practice of reading scripture after we've discovered we cannot return to sleep is something that was done in the time of Queen Esther of the Old Testament! It seems that the king himself was suffering from the frustration of sleeplessness, and had the scriptures brought to him and read to him in the middle of the night.

"That night the king could not sleep; so he ordered the book of the chronicles, the record of his reign, to be brought in and read to him."

Esther 6:1 ~ ESV

Every parent with children, and maybe especially those parents with children who have special needs, have faced that kind of frustration with the sleeplessness that follows our awakening to care for our little loved ones. It is no better tolerated when we wake up for no good reason and find our sleep hindered than it is when we were awakened for an honorable reason (preschooler who needs consoling, infant who needs to be fed, or for welcoming an older teen or spouse coming in much delayed). You'd think that we'd initially have think to implement our idea of scripture reading, since we have noted that it seems to have an effect upon us.

The question I'd like to ask is this...
If the reading of the scriptures actually does bring restful sleep to us in those frustrated evenings or wee hours of the morning... whose idea do you suppose it was for us to think of and to read the scriptures? Ours - or HIS?

Don't you think it's quite possible that our seemingly random sleeplessness is not a misfortunate adversity but rather an appointed time of communication with the Lord of our lives? Could that sleepless hour (or two or three!), actually be God's calling out to us - wishing to fill us with HIS Words?

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Saturday Storytelling

Our trip to be with our two older sons and their wives in Texas for the birth of our grandchildren was definitely a memorable one. Besides the wonder and awe we felt as we "laid eyes on" the two precious babies, the beauty of our daughters-in-love as they cared for their infants, the melting of OUR hearts as we viewed our two sons AS FATHERS (!) holding their own sweet babies... several other things that happened during those 10 days were simply PRICELESS.

One of them was this TREASURE of a moment between Megan, our newborn granddaughter, and David, our third son. Uncle David really "took up with" the two babies, and a couple of times (other than this one caught on digital camera) during our stay there he showed a tender love and concern for his brand new nephew and niece.

This might not seem like a big deal to most families and most younger brothers, but in our family it is HUGE! You see, our David doesn't communicate as well or as easily as do the rest of us. Every opportunity that he takes advantage of (for communicating) is a prized gift to the rest of us. And his devotion to the precious new additions to the family was truly a special thing to his dear old Mom. : )

It is important for ALL of us to be aware that each person in our lives is continually making attempts to communicate with us. It's so easy to let those moments go by, letting the words fall on deaf ears, or to be brushed aside quickly in order to give our attention to something else deemed urgent at the time. We might find that communication with some people is harder than with other people, but all people communicate... and all people need to be "heard". Maybe there's someone you know who needs a little special time of communication from you... I pray that you make time for just that!

Let's not forget that all of us need a special time of communication with our heavenly Father... and that He is both speaking and listening to us. Yes, THIS is the real treasure!

"Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear."

Isaiah 65:24 ~NIV

Thankful Thursday

I can't start a paragraph about thankfulness without sharing my thankfulness for the Lord God Almighty. I am forever thankful for my God and His immeasurable love, for His Son Jesus and His substitutionary sacrifice for the lives of sinners like me, and for the Holy Spirit and His direction in my daily life.

The past few weeks I have been continuing to learn to be thankful - even though trials persist. This week, I am thankful ...

1) my husband and I have a reliable vehicle and money for the fuel for a 12+ hour "road trip" to TX to meet our newborn grandchildren in two TX cities!
2) that we have tools for helping us cope with the struggle of being in that vehicle for so many hours.
3) our son with special needs is a terrific traveler and patient passenger, actually enjoying such lengthy trips.
4) our older sons' wives are so welcoming and accommodating of "Uncle David".
5) the time spent with our grown children is such a blessing!
6) that long-distance grand-parenting is going to be possible, and made even more accessible through the marvel of technology... online photo albums and video phone calls!
7) that our newborn grandchildren are in God's hands!
8) that Austin and Megan (our grandchildren) are in the hands of loving parents.
9) that both Megan and Austin will, occasionally, be in the hands of loving grandparents - either in TX, or in Alabama!
10) that both grandchildren will have loving church families that will supplement the prayer and care of their parents and grandparents.

"I will give thanks to You,
for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well."

PSALM 139:14 ~NASB

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The WORD, for Wednesday

"So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed,
not as in my presence only,
but now much more in my absence,

work out your salvation with fear and trembling;
for it is God who is at work in you,
both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

Do all things without grumbling or disputing;
so that you will prove yourselves to be
blameless and innocent, children of God
above reproach in the midst
of a crooked and perverse generation,
among whom you appear as lights in the world,
holding fast the word of life,
so that in the day of Christ
I will have reason to glory
because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain.

But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering
upon the sacrifice and service of your faith,
I rejoice and share my joy with you all.
You too, I urge you,
rejoice in the same way
and share your joy with me."

Philippians 2:12-18 NASB

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Two Babies

Newsflash! We're grandparents!

Our oldest two sons & their wives have entered the world of parenthood,
and we two old-fogeys have fallen head over heels in love with ...

Grandchildren!

AUSTIN DAVID ALLISON ..............MEGAN ASHLEY ALLISON

2 weeks old on next Tuesday.........2 weeks old next Friday. .

"Grandchildren are the crown of the aged,
and the glory of children is their fathers."

Proverbs 17:6
[ESV]

Thankful Thursday

As always, I am thankful to God for making Himself known to me, and for the sacrifice of His own Son for my sin, the love of the Savior, and the presence of the Holy Spirit. In addition, I am thankful for…

1) the scrutiny of Scripture
2) the blessings of babies
3) transportation to Texas
4) deliberate decisions
5) friendships that last forever
6) precious promises
7) gifts granted
8) restful rewards

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.His love endures forever. "

Psalms 136:1

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The WORD, for Wednesday

Be joyful in hope,
patient in affliction,
faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12

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Thankful Thursday

Continuing my Thursday goal of acknowledging a few new (or radically rediscovered) blessings from the Lord, I’m adding a few more things to my list. However, the first things I declare must always be God Himself and His great love for us, and His gift of His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, and for the counsel of the Holy Spirit who first drew me to Him.

Today I’m also thankful for…
1) Words spoken and understood as encouragement this week
2) Two tiny babies, awaiting their births later this month
3) The excitement of anticipation of these first two grandchildren for my husband and me
4) Packages received containing adapted devices that will allow my son to access his own choice of recorded scripture, and his favorite praise and worship songs
5) My continuing recovery from toe surgery
6) Tylenol , which actually works for me
7) JOY amidst pain
8) God’s willingness to hear us when we pray
9) Patience beyond all measure - which God has shown me
10) Patience my family has shown me
11) Art, and the pleasant calming nature of some of it
12) Changing attitudes of people greeting those of us who have family members with special needs
13) Prescription medications which help with seizure control in persons with epilepsy
14) God’s continuing presence in the circumstances of our lives
15) The very IDEA of love... and for God’s demonstration of it

"Give thanks to the LORD,
call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done."

1 Chronicles 16:8

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The WORD, for Wednesday

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"And He has said to me,
'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'
Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses,
with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake;
for when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9,10

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Monday Musings

Sifting through medical bills, correspondence, and other related items is no fun. But it’s part of our lives, especially for those of us who have family members with special needs. For a couple of weeks, I’ve been catching up on the filing for those types of items. I’ve been preparing to make payments for the bills after comparing with insurance EOB’s. And, I’m preparing to write the report that my adult son with special needs is required to fill out annually relating to resources he receives from SSI. (his disabilities occurred before the age of 22.)

The bill paying is a standard process, one that we all do for a variety of things that we are billed for during the year. It’s not tough, the process that is. However because our son receives secondary insurance through Medicaid , it takes some extra phone calls to find out what has been paid , and therefore what the remaining balance might be. This process is standard, not really difficult or frustrating to me. But I still have to write the checks.

The record-keeping for the annual report that the government requires from my son with is more detailed and highly frustrating to me. I keep all of his receipts and create an itemized two-category list for the government: food, and "everything else"). Actually the form that makes up the annual report is relatively simple. I just transfer the totals of the columns of numbers I have created… and then sign it verifying that there are no errors, before mailing it off.

Sifting through those receipts and deciding the totals for the food and non-food frustrates me. I make separate trips (when I have enough time) for food and for those other things my son needs. But often, I end up needing to make a trip for both categories of things. Then… I’m drawn to Wal-mart, where I can pick up ALL the items on the list whether it’s food… or clothes, hygiene products, etc. When I give in to the Wal-mart temptation… I end up with a receipt that has to be sorted into the categories for the government. It takes time, and a calculator (there’s some prorating of the tax on the receipt… when splitting things out into two categories.). The frustrating part comes in the fact that it is such a DAILY process… or at least, it should be.

How do I discipline myself to get this done when the strong temptation is to put it off? Procrastination never helps anything and in this case, it really makes the matter worse! The cure for my procrastination (and my frustrations) is to add the necessary steps into my daily routine… which of course means subtracting something from it (my daily routine I mean). How does your daily routine work for you? Does it suit the needs of your life? Does it need a bit of tweaking? Are you leaving enough room for the things you are responsible for? More importantly, are you leaving enough room for the things of God?

““Then Jesus said to them,
“Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's.”
And they were amazed at him.”

Mark 12:17

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Sunday - Rest for Your Souls

There’ve been lots of times in my life when I have been overly tired. When it happens to me, there never seems to be any one thing that led up to the exhaustion and weakness. It just seems that a number of things have happened, or have piled up (things needing to happen!) and suddenly I feel overwhelmed because of “spinning my wheels” for days, achieving nothing.

Some people experience this exhaustion from their physical labor, some from jobs in which they labor with their minds. Others experience a similar exhaustion from dealing with difficult people, and still others from dealing with difficult circumstances. Some families have difficult dynamics, some careers offer unbearably demanding schedules, and some individuals have extreme challenges. No one is immune... we’ve all experienced exhaustion. And probably each of us has thought (at least once) that there was nothing we ­did to bring on the levels of exhaustion we've experienced.

The truth, however, is that there probably is something we did not do which perpetuated the tiredness that led to exhaustion. Did we rest? Did we take time off regularly from the” loads” we carry in life? Did we look for solutions, observing how others have dealt with the same things? Have we asked others questions about how they find restfulness during their rapid-fire stress-filled days? Have we sought the Lord’s way in all of this?

The tiredness we experience physically (as mentioned above) typically pales in comparison to the soul-weariness that is faced by those who haven’t learned to go to the Lord and His Word with all of their plans and their needs. Believers and unbelievers alike can face this soul-weariness. It’s a bottom-of-the-pit experience, where you can feel bound both physically and spiritually… thinking that God is so far from you, thinking that you can’t stop anything you are doing because it is “needed”, thinking that no one knows how to help you or cares to walk alongside you, thinking that you are “in it alone”, and that there is no end to the weariness - no way out.

God’s Word tells us differently. God gives us direction for our lives. And it’s there for us… if we’ll only read and contemplate His Word. Will we follow?

"This is what the LORD says:
"Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls."

Jeremiah 6:16

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Friday Free Time

Free time - what’s that? Truly “free” time is something we’ve totally lost sight of, I think. Really, there seems to be little “free” time. And yet, the demands on our time ( in a family with special needs) really do seem unavoidable.

But late last year, I became aware I was repeatedly using the same comment in response to questions about whether or not I had “accomplished” certain things. I kept hearing myself say, “I don’t have enough time.” I used that phrase to reply to my husband, to my friends, and even to God while praying. It was the use of it in my prayers that created the feeling of uneasiness which later peaked when I heard an interview with Sara Groves. She is a Christian vocal artist and was discussing how her life has been changed… relating to the use of her time. She relayed this story about how she began to view the incomplete use of her life’s resources…

Sara on her Spiritual Buffalo...
“There is a scene in the movie Dances with Wolves where the Sioux are on a much anticipated buffalo hunt. As they come up over a hill, they are shocked to see a field full of buffalo carcasses. The tragedy of that moment is that where the Sioux use every piece of the buffalo—the bladder holds water, the bone makes a tool, the skin is a covering for a tent- whoever has done this has taken the best part of the buffalo for himself and has left everything else to waste. There is no way to make good use of all that is lying in this field.

I was so convicted when I went to Africa that I am not using all of my spiritual buffalo. I have developed this one side of my personal relationship with God. I go to church, I have incredible worship, and I listen to incredible speakers. I have money to buy devotionals, and leisure time to do those devotionals. I have spent a lifetime grooming a personal faith in Christ, but have I been taking the best piece of the buffalo for myself? There has been a joy in discovering the good use of my life. There is a reciprocal redemption that happens when we enter into stories of helping our neighbor—not just around the world, but in our own communities. When I came home from Africa, instead of feeling guilty for my life, I began to hear God in a very clear way say, ‘that thing carries water, that thing makes a tool, that is covering for a tent.’ There is a beauty to the good use of a life, and to the acknowledgment that everything you have and do has a Kingdom purpose."

Now, I've begun to see my own incredible waste of time, and how it was caused by my lack of focusing on priorities and not using every moment (and every gift) that I have been given. I’m not talking about the “over-scheduling” that I referred to as I began this article. I am not talking about reducing sleep and rest periods. I AM talking about “not wasting” the minutes and hours in my days… and the abilities and treasures I’ve been gifted with, the relationships and the partnerships I’ve been given an opportunity to enter into, and the knowledge I’ve been given of the Most High God.

Now, I have a goal of lessening my wastefulness… making more choices to be useful, and to be aware of the unique opportunities that I have to allow my circumstances (and my reactions to them) to bring glory to God. I don’t mean to say that I want (or could handle) a life scheduled to the maximum. Of course I couldn’t handle that! I simply want to share that I’ve been impressed that my life’s impact can be MORE than just the sum of my days.

I’ve changed my mind about wanting “free time”. I want instead to freely use and give my time and resources. I want to lessen my waste of time and other resources. I want to make a real difference by the way I use what I have been gifted with... and I pray that God will receive the glory for it.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,"

Colossians 3:23

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Thankful Thursday

Once a week, a few friends and I have shared our limited views of what we have been blessed with in this life. They've been designated as "Thankful Thursdays", but we are thankful every day ! Well, today is Thankful Thursday, and again I find myself with more things to be thankful for than I could ever hope to list! Praise the Lord, his mercies are new every morning!!!

I’m forever thankful for God’s power and love, for Christ Jesus and the salvation He purchased for me, and for the comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit.


I’m also thankful today for…
1) overwhelming evidence of God's intricate design
2) two "P's" : Purpose, and Place
3) the fragrance of dawn approaching
4) an abundance of help and helpers following my surgery

5) day hab for David, five days a week
6) opportunities to honor God
7) God's assurance that He is "always there"

8) food for the soul (Gods Word)
9) David's occasional huge grins
10) heart-felt praise songs, and for sharing in worship together

11) precious prayer partners

12) the concept of networking (interacting or engaging in informal communication with others for mutual assistance or support) as it relates to persons with special needs )


Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.His love endures forever.

Psalms 107:1

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The WORD, for Wednesday

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our affliction
so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction
with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

~ 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 ~
New American Standard Bible

~@~

Tuesday Thoughts

At my last optometrist appointment, I was presented with some interesting options for new “shades”. One of the options offered were “transition” lenses. It’s an interesting concept. These lenses change shade increasingly to match any increase in brightness. Outdoors on the sunniest day, they are the darkest. Indoors or in the shade they are completely clear. I had a couple of questions though. “How does the lens material know how much tinting that my eyes need?” And, “Isn’t it likely that even the speed at which the lenses change will not match my needs?” In the end, I opted for a clip-on lens of the darkest material I found comfortable. I prefer to decide for myself when I need them and when I no longer need them. “Transition” turned out to be more complicated for me than the technician had originally thought.

It’s that way, too, with my son’s transition from “child” services to “adult” services. The type of services I refer to include educational, therapeutic, medical, social, and more. It’s more complicated than it might seem to an outside observer. It is entirely an individual process, unique for each and every person with special needs and their families. No one else can fully determine your needs… you really must become assertive about your needs.

The transition process is by definition a drawn out one. To avoid the frustration that comes with it, try the Boy Scout pledge... Be Prepared. Begin thinking about what your special needs will be at the age of termination of services such as pediatric medicine (age 18 -22, in most cases), public and private school educational services (the same, 18-22 years old is typical), therapies (highly variable), and social, recreational, and other routine activities. Even your insurance plans will present issues to be dealt with. There is NOTHING automatic about this thing called transition - you truly should start to plan the path of the process EARLY.

As in my choice of appropriate lenses to help with my eyes that are extremely sensitive to bright light… families and persons with special needs will need to weigh all the options, taking into account what matters most to them. It’s time to get serious about defining the difference in your NEEDS and your WANTS. When the time comes, you will have to work hard to get both of those categories of services… and you will want to have started the arrangments for the NEEDS first.

Moving to service providers who treat, manage, coach, teach, represent, and care for ADULTS with special needs WILL happen. Don’t put your head in the sand… your time is coming! Start brainstorming now about what your needs will be then. If you are like me, you will find the services that you truly need… and will discover along the way that much of what you thought you needed were simply wants.

“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Monday Musings

Our son with special needs requires quite a bit of monitoring. Lately, I have been thinking about the progression of our monitoring attempts. The reasons for monitoring have also changed quite a bit over the years… and so have the tools we have used in monitoring his safety and his needs.

Our son began to have seizures around 7 months old – he developed epilepsy. His frequent severe seizures at that time required us to always be physically present with him. We carried him with us wherever we had to be, whatever room and whatever project we were working on. He slept in a tiny crib in the corner of our bedroom. I didn’t get sound sleep very often at all.

Soon our son’s seizure frequency and duration escalated, and we found that we had become so tired and sleep-deprived that we could barely stay awake or hear him when he had seizure activity. So we had to move him INTO our bed at night so that any activity would awaken us and we could take steps to be sure his airways were open. This didn’t last very long until MY doctor prescribed a night-shift nurse to be at our house overnight so that we two parents could function more normally. We have two other sons just older than our son with special needs, and they needed care… and their daddy needed to get to work and KEEP the insurance. Our monitoring methods changed from physically being present, to delegating someone else to be there physically for part of the time.

After the age of 2 years, our son’s prescription therapies changed, and so did his future. He’d suffered not only from the seizures and their effects, but from a toxic level of the very medications given to enhance his “quality of life”. Our monitoring took another direction, and we began to accumulate tools for helping monitoring our son and his safety and healthcare needs.

Our first tool was that of lab tests to determine levels of the drugs present in his body. (You modern moms will be cringing at this point.. but please note that my son is older, 24 years old now. And in those days, there was not yet the availability of a drug level test to help with the monitoring. Those tests became available for his medications when he was nearly 2 years old. )

Soon our toolkit was enlarged again when I chose to purchase a 2-piece, commercial intercom system, and used it to monitor the sounds from his nursery (at age 3) while I cooked or did laundry in another room. We were still not comfortable with relying on the intercom during the night… and had let our overnight nurse go due to an improvement in our son’s seizure pattern… so he again slept in that tiny crib in our bedroom at night. The intercom was the beginning of a new phase in monitoring. Eventually, I trusted the intercom enough to go outdoors again with the older two boys, with the intercom unit plugged in on the patio, or front porch of our house. We gained freedom with that and each subsequent tool we added to our monitoring toolkit.

Over time our son’s needs for monitoring have changed pretty dramatically. Our son still has the need to have monitoring for his seizure activity, and his safety. Over the years we have progressed from that small-office intercom system to the cutesy “baby monitoring systems” with the marvelous options of wireless operation (what freedom!), to a video monitoring system that also operated wirelessly and could be viewed on a TV or even recorded on a VCR tape (modern moms, please realize that when in use, this was CUTTING EDGE technology! )… to the current day model of using a “simple” webcam and software on two laptops… one that is outdated, but can connect wirelessly to the internet, and the other one that is newer and is Mom’s link to the outside world. We couldn’t imagine still being unable to be in a different room from our son… and I’m sure he wouldn’t want to go back to that old method of monitoring either. He enjoys his new-found privacy to listen to his music!

Our son has medication charts to monitor the medications given and the side effects are monitored as well. Those charts began as paper charts, and now are strictly stored on the computer in files that can be printed for the doctor visits, or shared via email or USB drives. Currently, there are even secure websites set up to store the information monitored!

During the school years, the need for monitoring was not less but more. There were meetings, and phone calls... letters and checklists... evaluations and therapies... home visits and team meetings...and all kinds of testing, All of this was necessary to monitor the need and developmental and educational progress of our son. Not monitoring those things was never an option. He depends upon us!

I find that now, my physical presence is still important in monitoring the kinds of services our adult son gets, and that will not likely change much in the future. It seems that with some things, there is just no substitute for a caring person, observing and researching the reality and the possibilities for improving the life of a person with special needs. As a parent, I truly am my child’s best resource. Other parents of children with special needs will understand this to be true. We need to encourage each other to take whatever steps can be taken to make this portion of special-needs parenting easier… that of monitoring the needs of our children. Networking with other parents may be the very best way to increase our resourcefulness, in caring for our children and their special needs.

Although after reading this it seems more than one person can do... please realize that this was a survey of the progress of the process of monitoring my son with special needs... over 24 YEARS. Also I'd like to offer a caveat that one of my dear friends taught me to use... "Your mileage may vary." : )


“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

Sunday, and Rest

Rest is underrated. These past few weeks as I recovered from surgery on my toe, I found that rest is not a luxury; it is indeed a necessity which I have all too frequently ignored. I am not talking about mere sleeping (which is actually another necessity for life that I've taken way too lightly and far too often). What I am talking about is sheer REST. Rest is to relax, to take respite, to take a break or to STOP. Do we know how to do this in American culture today? I don't think some of us allow for this thing which the Lord says is necessary!

As a parent of a son with special needs, I often use the excuse that I simply do not have the time for resting. I get caught up in the long list of things "yet to be done". Everyone knows what I am talking about here. We all fall into this trap. The fact of the matter is that REST is more necessary than the items on the to-do list or the daily routine list for our child with special needs. The Bible tells us to rest on the Lord, to lean on Him, and to stop… or take a break. Moreover, it is explained to us that we must rest even during the busiest and most vital work weeks of our lives!

"Six days you shall labor, but on the seventh day you shall rest; even during the plowing season and harvest you must rest." Exodus 34:21

Sunday is the day I have chosen for resting. Prior to my recent surgery I haven't actually done much resting routinely… instead I have struggled with the things like my to-do list, and my son's unpredictable needs, and the rush of trying to get everything done on the weekend. While recuperating in my bed for two weeks, I have been impressed to WORK more at RESTING. Sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it? It is not. Resting is actually something you do, as opposed to something that happens to you as you sit doing nothing.

Resting is trusting in the Lord and the Lord's plan for your life. That takes action! Resting is laying aside the things that you DO, and choosing to separate yourself from those things (and those lists of things!) and meditating on (or thinking about) the ways of God. That takes concerted action! Resting is releasing yourself from the driven pace, and relaxing. That takes a change of action. Resting is putting aside YOUR OWN agenda for HIS. That takes self-control… and that's action!

As Sunday arrives this week, think about putting aside your to-do list… think about RESTING, in Him.

"'Sabbath' means rest, and the meaning of the word gives a hint as to the true way to observe the day. God rested after creation, and ordained the Sabbath as a rest for man."
- D.L. MOODY, Weighed and Wanting

Saturday Storytelling

Sometimes stories are the best way to express ourselves. That said, I am not always the most concise storyteller. I hope you will bear with me as I attempt to relay my thoughts in story form.

My youngest son has significant special needs. Recently I had surgery to resurface my big toe joint. Sounds complicated - really it's not so much. The thing is… I had to stay in bed with my foot elevated for TWO WEEKS following the surgery. Now THAT was interesting! My family pitched in to help, and everything went smoothly. However, I was concerned about how my youngest son was dealing with my absence from his daily care-giving routines. It seemed that he was more distant than usual from the other family members and me…. and I interpreted this as a failure on my part to "be there" for him. It made me sad.

But an interesting thing happened about 3 days after the surgery. My son, who had never really seen me just lay around in bed all day, came and stood in the doorway of my room – giving me just a few direct glances. He then took off down the hallway. I felt special because he had paid SOME attention to me, but again I began to think about how my son was dealing with things. I felt like I'd let him down. He depends on me!

Shortly after this, my son returned to my doorway and ventured inside. He danced over to the bed where I lay with the foot up on pillows, and risked a couple of brief smiles aimed at me. Then he moved to the end of the bed, where he knelt and stroked the bedspread as he continued to offer me very brief glances. Even this tiny bit of communication is highly unusual for my son, and yet this was his very best attempt to say to me… "I miss you Mom".

Just as quickly as he had stopped by, my son took off again to do the things he loves… walking briskly through the house, looking longingly outdoors, and listening to music on his favorite station. The end came as impulsively as the beginning. Someone I shared this with suggests that perhaps my son had been contemplating sharing his emotions with me when he first stopped by my room… and that possibly he'd had an inward struggle with the decision to share the emotion or not. I hadn't thought of that possibility… that of the deliberations to work through in order to arrive at a point at which he felt comfortable sharing with me in such a way.

Can you think of a time when you had to deliberate before you could allow yourself to become vulnerable with someone? I can. It happens all the time, with less dramatic consequences. All of us have a tendency to be protective of ourselves, and to not share ourselves completely with each other. In the "world" of special needs families, there is a greater tendency to react this way than in most other "worlds". Somehow we think we have more to lose by being vulnerable than do others. Not true. In reality, we have the very same potential to BE A BLESSING as do others in those other "worlds". In fact, our vulnerability with each other is one of the ways that God uses to comfort us, to inspire us, and to guide us. That's right… God uses what we view as our weaknesses (and perhaps try to conceal) to reach others who are facing the same difficult things, or similar ones.

I was deeply touched by my son's initial attempt to communicate his feelings on the day he entered my room so mysteriously. To him, it was done at great risk. Risk, unknown and indecipherable to me, but it was a risk to him just the same. Later in the week, he became even bolder and braver, and entered the room to climb into bed with me and kiss me. Then I realized anew just how very much he WAS connected to me despite the outward appearances that could be otherwise misconstrued.

How often must God feel as I did on those days… seeing us pause at the doorway of communication with Him, wishing us to fully engage in the conversation of life with Him? I wonder if His heart soars as mine did, when we venture to come to Him as we are… our special needs and all… and to tell Him we trust Him, and we need Him, and we love Him.
I wonder…

"But Jesus called the children to him and said,
"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them,
for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these".

Luke 18:16 NIV